Milo Saved My Life

No, I’m not being overdramatic.

This is what Milo Yiannopoulos means to me.


It was November, 2015, and I had it all. I’d been living in Hawaii on the gorgeous island of Oahu. I had a job that, while still not much, paid me more than I’d ever made before. My goal in Hawaii had always been to get out of the city and live near the water. This is quite difficult, as very few decently-paying jobs exist in the middle of the Pacific outside of Honolulu. Yet here I found myself, residing on the majestic North Shore of Oahu. More specifically, I lived deep in a community called Pūpūkea, and my 2 mile walk down the hill to the bus stop went right past the Pu’u o Mahuka Heiau (a Hawaiian temple of human sacrifice as recently as the 18th century), was one of the more enchanting experiences of my life – and it happened every day. I lived with good people as roommates, where I’d always wanted to live, a place where the word ‘beauty’ multiplied by a thousand could never do it justice.

So why was I so miserable?

There were plenty of evident factors, sure. For starters, I’d become quite overweight (let’s just say FAT), and was continuing to increase in size. Spending most of my adult life between 170-180 lbs, I’d ballooned up to 203 lbs. (with suspicions I was actually much heavier than that but had no scale to prove it…but I’ll touch more on that in a bit.). Furthermore, after years of denial, I’m now certain that depression is an underestimated physical condition. I’m sure my weight contributed to that as well. But these factors, while relevant, fail to fully explain why I felt so utterly hopeless – even while living in an actual paradise. So what was the reason?


The short answer is ‘politics’, but that’s a hasty explanation, so I’ll elaborate. I’ve spent my whole life holding Conservative values while being surrounded by Liberals. Growing up in Upstate NY, you tend to keep these things to yourself. It’s just easier that way. The backlash one receives from their peers isn’t worth it (In 2008, I actually LIED to my hipster-musician clique and said I’d voted for Barack Obama…the horror!).

Combine that upbringing with attending University as a music student, then tack on a move to an even bluer state, Hawaii,

It’s pretty clear I wasn’t eager to offer up my Conservative views on the role of government, rights, or the welfare state anytime soon…


I wasn’t all that successful in the romance game, either. I think this was a direct result of my inexorable Conservatism (+ fat). Knowing most women lean left, I was even more careful to hide my views – I wanted dates to go well! But as we all know, people are generally attracted to confidence, and it’s impossible to exude confidence when you’re going over a list of things NOT to say to avoid offense. Safe to say, I struck out more than Joaquin Phoenix’s character in Signs. This led to an extreme and unfortunate resentment towards women. And as I very much longed for a partner, more loneliness, depression, and negative thinking crept in. This led to worse dates, which led to more strikeouts, which led to…you get the picture. I was a never-ending snowball of pathetic. For my first quarter-century-plus of consciousness on this earth, nobody around me had any idea who I really was, or what I valued and respected. I’d been living behind a closed door. A political and social…closet, if you will.


Would anyone argue that’s healthy? Forget the politics – is the fear of social backlash for ones personal opinions a favorable state to live in? If you think so, please be referred to my friend Bill Lumbergh…



Of course it’s not good for you! That’s the best argument to support gays coming out, isn’t it?. It’s living a lie, and from age 4 we learn, “the truth shall set you free.” It’d always been so routine, so normal to keep my mouth shut anytime anything remotely resembling politics came up, it became my “status-quo.” Eventually I barely thought about it, and almost completely forgot that I ever held Conservative values in the first place.


Fast forward back to where we started. November, 2015. I’m fat, alone, and miserable. Desperate for female companionship, yet fearful of what that would mean if the true ‘me’ was inevitably uncovered. Drinking too much beer, eating far too many SPAM musubi’s (don’t knock ’em ’til you try ’em!), any motivation to improve my life disintegrating exponentially with each passing week. “Going through the motions” doesn’t begin to describe my day-to-day. Then I found Milo.


Actually, I first discovered Aaron Clarey, owner and operator of (a really funny site and YouTube channel). I never spent much time on YouTube prior to that, but somehow stumbled upon one of his videos on today’s sect of modern feminism. I use the word ‘sect’ as it’s the only way to accurately describe the religious zealotry of its most devoted followers. I remember thinking “Wow! I never heard anyone make so much sense!” Eventually, a suggested video came up with a title something like: “Gay Brit DESTROYS Feminist!” I totally fell for the clickbait. As you most likely have surmised, that gay Brit was Milo Yiannopoulos.


I think I originally expected to find something very funny and offensive. I definitely wasn’t prepared for a bleached blonde insult-proof Queen dropping indisputable facts on a panel of indoctrinated emotional bimbos. And with a calm demeanor and a smile on his face, nonetheless. I enjoyed it so much, I clicked another video. And another. Who IS this Milo Yiannopoulos character? How is he able to say these things so confidently?


And then I realized: Every time throughout my ENTIRE LIFE that I saw a Conservative speak a hard truth, one I didn’t find particularly offensive (being the truth), they were immediately bombarded with a litany of insults and accusations. The same insults and accusations that kept me silent, as I knew I would no doubt face them should I ever speak my mind. When this would happen, the Conservative would ultimately back down from what they said, become defensive, and ultimately accomplish nothing to advance the truth. All Conservatives I’d seen were effectively bullied into silence or compliance by a louder Liberal. Thinking back, I imagine they were worried about what their wives would say, or if single, the fear of damaging their romantic market value was enough to cause a retraction.


But Milo showed no fear. He gave no ground. He said something that was true and repeated it, and he never backed down from the threat of public demonization. In fact, he seemed to embrace it with a confidence so genuine it could only be based in truth. Milo talked about commonly perpetuated myths I’d always taken to be true: the gender wage gap, the campus rape ‘culture’, the importance of facts over feelings. Truth over emotion. He talked about discrepancies in men’s circumstances that NO one else mentions. How little the male is valued or even considered in current Western society. He exposed falsehoods in the facts used to encourage that narrative by presenting facts intentionally omitted by the constructors of that narrative. And he did it without issuing a single *unjustified* defamatory comment. He was speaking directly to me, about me, when no one else gave me a second thought.


Suddenly, I was no longer alone. Suddenly, a veil had been lifted to reveal a world to me I thought was not possible. This world is very real, I had just been unable to see it. I’d been conditioned into believing that my gender was responsible for all wrongdoing in the entire world, and I’d better not say otherwise or else. While my inner voice would tell me “uhh, that’s not true!”, it was stifled by my own fears of irrelevance. Milo presented a way out I once thought impossible. A life not based on the lies that put me in that temporal prison.


I never cared for a second that Milo was gay, and this was also a revelation. Though I’d never considered myself a homophobe and had plenty of gay friends, society had been telling me for as long as I can remember that no matter what we say, EVERYONE who shares my beliefs unequivocally wants gays exterminated. The noise was so loud, so constant, I think I subconsciously accepted that it had to be true, even though I’d never once thought anything of the sort. In that way, Milo proved to me that I’m not a monster, despite society perpetually screaming “MONSTER!!!” at the entire demographic I belonged to. And it seemed indisputable. “Bogme is white, he is a man, he is straight…1+1+1=MONSTER! Whether you like it or not!”


I mentioned my weight gain before. When Milo took on the ‘fat acceptance/body positivity’ movement, a lightbulb turned on in my head. Yes, physical appearance is indicative of physical health. Yes, I have been destroying my body. Yes, I should be ashamed of myself for this, and yes, I can actually lose weight. And I’d better start soon, or it will LITERALLY (I hate using that, but…) kill me. I went on a diet shortly after that and began to exercise more. And so did Milo! While he was nowhere near my spherical shape, he walked the walk to back his talk by losing 40 lbs of his own (looking fabulous doing it, btw). I felt like I was on that journey with him. Once again, I was not alone.



Mere days before his exile from Twitter, I tweeted @Nero (RIP) a before/after picture of my results to that point with the hashtag, #FatShamingWorks. To my surprise, Milo retweeted it! I’d never had someone I followed acknowledge me before. It might make me sound like a fawning groupie, but that was one of the biggest highlights of my 2016 – heck, of my life! It was public vindication of my hard work, recognized by the man who inspired it, a man I admired to no end. That doesn’t just happen every day. I mentioned that I began my weight loss at at least 203 lbs. This morning, I checked in at 159.



In the past year and a half, I’ve read just about everything Milo has ever written and watched just about every speech he ever gave. Before moving back east from Hawaii, I even stopped in California to attend a talk of his at UCLA. Unfortunately I was kept out, as protesters blocked the main entrance and the side door was so far away they reached capacity before I could get in.


What I’m saying is that I’ve read or heard just about every word Milo has publicly produced. Never, not once, did the idea of pedophilia-tolerance EVER cross my mind. I watched the programs with the comments in question when they first aired. I’ve probably seen that full Joe Rogan episode 3 times. It may sound damning as presented, but those comments are NOT representative of Milo Yiannopoulos’ values. I’d have picked up on it by now. To my ears, he was making a joke, however distasteful. All people shoot for jokes that miss quite often. It doesn’t make them pedophiles.


But ours has become a world without jokes. If we doubted that before, this entire controversy is final evidence that the political Left has murdered humor, once and for all. Though the group that pushed these clips claims to be ‘Conservative’ and has ‘Reagan’ in the name, this is PAGE ONE out of the Left’s intimidation playbook. The highly coordinated actions taken by these bitter, slimy, vindictive faux-conservative groups, still unable to accept how wrong they were about the election, are as heartbreaking and disgusting to me as the frightened babies of CPAC who reacted to it. Milo was the primary inspiration for me taking back control over my life. I know in my heart that my judgement isn’t so delusional that I’d give a supporter of child abuse credit for this.


For all of these tangible improvements to my life, I have Milo Yiannopoulos to thank. Without accidentally clicking on one of his videos, I could very well be up to 250 lbs by now. Maybe even more. Diabetes could’ve been setting in any day on the route I was traveling. I even quit smoking last year! I also could very well have never been motivated to stand up for what I believe in. Without Milo, I may have never discovered Ben Shapiro (despite their silly ‘feud’, Ben’s still the smartest guy around). I might’ve never found Gavin McInnes. Lauren Southern. Steven Crowder. Stefan Molyneux. Michelle Malkin. Thomas Sowell. Christina Hoff Sommers. Jordan Peterson. Dave Rubin. All of these thinkers that have not only helped me to confirm and refine my positions but inspired me to actually voice them – I discovered them on YouTube while looking for more Milo. I probably would’ve never started this podcast or built this website. I could’ve easily continued on my old path, ingesting depression and carbohydrates until congestive heart failure, lung cancer, or my own mental anguish ultimately finished me off.



But Milo Yiannopoulos saved my life.



29 year old musician-turned-podcaster, Conservative thinker, and truth seeker. Also single, ;)

One thought to “Milo Saved My Life”

- - - --- --- --- - - -